Serenity… refocus – seek joy – thrive

I would, I think, need a little fortifying before treading across this one.

via

And editing, revising, cutting — doing what is necessary to make your writing compelling, interesting and engaging.

Only, the book is so boring that I am not certain I’ll make it past the first chapter. Perhaps I should treat it as a cautionary tale, if nothing else.

I have a lot to do. I have limited time (and concentration) to do it, so it seems that getting organized is the first thing on my list. Now I have to say, just between you and me, that I am not a naturally organized person. At all. But as I mentioned in my last post, I am learning the usefulness of being at least a tiny bit structured, because it saves time and frustration. Ideally. So, I have begun.

The first thing I tackled today is the decision on which sites to keep, and which to consolidate. I use WordPress multisite so consolidation started to make a lot more sense to me, rather than having a bunch of different domain names for different things. This way, all (or almost all) my stuff is under one domain, but with multisite they can each be individual sites on their subdomains.

I’ve gotten rid of, or at least will have once the domain name expires, thebookoflouis.com, and have put that at blackhistory.nanettekelley.com. Once I get settled in again I will start doing the history thing and researching of Black history to add to the site.

Humanbeams.com I will keep, and will likely always keep regardless of if I ever work on it again or not. It has lots of archives and they still get visited, so will just leave it there. I have to let it go for now, though–at least somewhat. It’s always a worry in the back of my mind, what I am going to do there… for now, though, I am not going to worry about it. I will just say that it’s there for people to enjoy the archives and that’s that.

Also, I have decided what the focus of each site is. I have more than just the two, but I am consolidating there as well. This site I think I have figured out. As well as the book of louis. I have to do a little more thinking on them, but will start only on this site so that I don’t get distracted, and build out from there. Or, organize out from there, I guess.

I have to do a few things that others may benefit from knowing how to do so I will document it in posts as I go along. Successes and flubs alike, sigh.

Um… yes, again. I think, probably, that I will start a few more times as well. The way I figure it, this is my first time writing a book, so this is my practice time. Especially when you consider that I’ve not been in any creative writing classes, so have not had the benefit of already figuring out how I write best — let alone how to write at all.

At first I sat down and, over a few days, dashed off about 50,000 words all together, and then got stuck. I simply had no idea what the story was about (beyond the beginning), no idea where to go next, and along with all that, when I went back to do editing I instead started writing the entire thing over again. I found that annoying.

So, I figured out that I am not a “seat of the pants” writer, even though I don’t like structure much as a rule. Mind, lack of structure has me wasting time and redoing things in other parts of my life as well, but I think I am too old to change that. At least, in things other than writing my book, that is.

What I have been working on now is an outline, of sorts. Still sort of scattered, but I figure that’s okay as long as I have the main points and events in there. I know where the story needs to go, I know what’s in the middle, and I know what happens at the end. Well, what the goal is that needs to be reached, anyway. And by adding scene ideas or little notes along the way, I can also see what needs to happen in each chapter. Theoretically.

I really don’t think having an outline will constrain my imagination, though. In fact, I think it will allow it to soar in between the lines. I know in general what needs to happen, so that leaves me free to apply myself to making it happen in a cohesive, interesting way. Or changing it completely, but still keeping it within the big picture.

Another advantage is that I don’t have that much problem with imagination and thinking up things; my main problem is in the language. Working within the basic structure of the outline will save me from having to think up every part of the story as I go along, thus allowing me to focus my attention on word choice and placement and all that. This is the plan, anyway, and I don’t see why it shouldn’t work out.

If it doesn’t, though, well this is my practice book, so I’ll just try something else next.

Both in terms of the site being up (in case anyone but me noticed it was down for a couple of days), and in terms of being here instead of elsewhere. I have, as I mentioned before, been Tumbling along. I like it and I don’t like it, and I have thoughts as to why. And since I’ve not really been writing anything at all, I might as well write about that.

a pretty picture from Tumblr

I’ve been reading lately (mostly on Tumblr, it must be said) how Tumblr is the newest, greatest thing and will surpass this that or the other thing. That, actually, may be true. It is so easy and it can be fun. It can also be a little annoying, particularly for introverts, I think. Or maybe just for this introvert.

It’s good that, if you have friends on there to follow and who follow you, you have an almost instant community. And the more you post or reblog, the more followers you might get and the more community–sort of–you are part of. You are rarely “alone” on Tumblr, even compared to some other social media sites. And you don’t have to have anything at all to say in order to participate, which can be a boon. People do create original content on there, or express their thoughts, or post new pictures, but much of it is reblogging what someone else has put on there.

The thing about communities, though, is that… well, there are other people in them. Sometimes lots of them, those you know, and complete strangers. A post can be reblogged by anyone at all. They can just send it through as is, or add their own thoughts, enter into the conversations and everyone has a grand old time. Or sometimes not, depending on how the conversation goes. Anyway, at times it can feel as if you are being inundated with people and all their… everything. Which, for introverts (or, again, at least for this one) can be very wearing.

Obviously the solution is to find a little balance, which most people seem to be able to do. Me, not so much when I first start something. I tend to just jump all in and neglect everything else, and then wonder when I get burned out on it so quickly.

Anyway, I’m not completely burned out on it yet–I still like to visit my friends there, and post pretty pictures, and see what great things everyone is talking about. But I also have other things I need to do, including figuring out what to do with my sites… it seems that almost all my domains are up for renewal this month, and I can’t figure out how I let that happen!

So, some future posts I have planned will be about organizing out loud (or, rather, in public on this site), and creating worlds and all sorts of other things. I have stuff to write about, now just need to see if I will do it.

I don’t enjoy mornings as much as I used to. It’s not just that I am getting older, having trouble sleeping and just hate to get up. At least it’s not all due to that. I think it is because right now, in a sense, the mornings are no longer mine. There are a few reasons for this feeling.

Work. The drive to make money to take care of the bills and secure my living space is a big part of it. Because I choose to work out of my home (though, really, at my age and having been out of the physical workplace for the past 10 or so years while I was caring for my mom, I am not sure I have many other options) I have been feel as if any moment not spent on pounding the keyboard for pay is a stolen moment. After all, am I not behind on everything and should not everything I do be geared toward catching up? Even the mornings?

Only I don’t. Catch up, that is. In fact, I am falling further and further behind–not because the work is not there (though that is indeed the case, sometimes) but because … well, I find other things to do, lots of time wasting, yes, but I think there is a bit more to it. This has been quite a year.

Living space. I am not in my own living space. When the apartment complex I lived in went under foreclosure, I decided to rent a room instead of getting another apartment right away. The room is in the home of ex family (my former sisters and brother-in-law) and, barring a few incidents, they are very nice and all that. But I don’t feel settled, or home I suppose you could say. More like a long-term guest. And so, I no longer putter around in the early mornings, peeking out the windows at the sunrise, sitting quietly and thinking or jotting down mental or physical notes. I just stay in my room.

I need to get into my own place after the new year, but until then…

Depression. Or something. This has been a year changes and of not very good things happening and I think I failed to effectively deal with some of it. In fact, I know I did… only, I only know this looking back and considering some stuff. I imagine that there is enough distance now from events that I can see more clearly their effect on me and the oddness of my internal reactions. As an introvert I am fairly proficient at self-interrogation but, like most everyone, I’m also pretty good at lying to myself. Anyway, now that I am better at recognizing the problem, I will get better at finding the solutions.

I suppose it is perfect timing that all this is coming to a head at the end of the old year and in time for the beginning of the new. I am not a “New Year’s Resolutions” type person generally, but since I need to make changes and the new year is here, I might as well count my plans as being just that. Resolutions for the new year.

Writing more is, of course, one of my daily resolutions (and we can see how well I keep that one) but there are others. I have many ideas and plans but I think the first thing I will do is somehow find a way to take back my mornings. This is a start.

A while ago I began to notice that many of the people I liked to read were disappearing from their blogs. This, of course, is understandable–after all, I regularly disappear from mine. Some I tracked to Facebook, others to Twitter, and this last batch I tracked to Tumblr. It is, it seems, too much to ask that everyone just stay in one place, so here I went trotting along after them.

Mind, I’ve had account at all three for years, but after my initial liking of both Twitter and Facebook I can’t stand either of them now. I didn’t last on Facebook for long at all, but I was all ready to write the praises of Twitter when I suddenly tired of the whole thing. But, well, now I have been giving Tumblr a try, and I like it. So far. I like the wonderful, funny, and awful photos that people find, the brilliant quotations, the bits and pieces of science news and… well, lots.

I fear, though, that what I most like about it is that I don’t have to write. I can just reblog pretty pictures, or the stuff other people have written as a sort of “what she/he said” and I am done. I have Tumbled. I don’t even have to become a part of any conversations and, except for a few brief comments, I don’t. I don’t have to do anything at all myself, create anything at all, really, if I don’t want to. And, so far, I haven’t.

Which makes me think it might be time to put that aside as well. Or, at least, to limit my participation on it. It’s not that I can’t write on there, or that no one does, but I have trouble doing so. Wackity brain issues.

Anyway, I have plans and thoughts and ideas and things to do and to write, and it’s about time to do them.

Among my many excuses for not writing on my sites, top of the list has been that the WordPress editor screen just makes it inconvenient to do so. It’s small and cramped, the typeface is tiny and can’t easily be made bigger, and it is just annoying.

There are various fixes for at least the typeface, but they either take a bit of doing, or they are not permanent. Both wind up being really annoying, especially if you have something you really want to say, but are stopped in your tracks because you can’t see what you are writing. Or something like that.

Anyway, to the rescue! Cleaner WordPress Editor, which I am using right now, makes things so nice. The editor screen is wide and clear, the font is large enough for me to see, there are no widgets in the sidebars because there are no sidebars (all the stuff, like “publish” and so on has been moved to the bottom of the page.) All in all, it just makes writing in WordPress a so much better experience.

Mind, I realize that now I have one less excuse. Whoops.

On which to, no doubt, not write. But still.

The new one is for me to write down my natterings, reflections, thoughts about Blackness and so on — and I am going to try to make this blog, Serenity etc, more of a professional space. Where I don’t just drabble on and on about unconnected and pointless stuff, but really concentrate on writing in a professional manner.

Hah.

We’ll see how it goes.

Just tonight I am finding this out. Serenity was/has been my name on IRC chat since 1996 so to me the use of it here made sense.  Now, though… not so much. Well, not that it doesn’t still make sense to me, but now it is also a little embarrassing.

When people started talking about Firefly I thought the Serenity they referred was a character or something. Since I  had little interest in the show, nor any intention of seeing it, I never delved any further into it. Now I obviously have to change my tagline, which is “Serenity… an expedition.” To me this just meant a life’s journey type thing, a place to think deep thoughts (or my usual shallow ones). I never realized others were probably wandering through here looking for spaceships.

Sigh.