Think Big Girls Don’t Cry? Think Again!
Yeah, I don’t know… I’ve had the flu for the past few days so I may not be tracking all that well or making that much sense, but this just seems a bit um… Cosbyesque to me. (It also seems to replicate some of the same “I have no real idea what blogging is about beyond my own narrow scope of what it should or could be” type myopia that we’ve seen recently.)
Although I may have missed some interactions somewhere (not an impossible thing) I don’t really see the need for a treatise like this – IF, as it seems, it relates to the lives and writing of various women of color online. Who knows, maybe it’s talking about something else, but I’m going to work under the assumption that it’s referring to different women of color bloggers. Unnamed, of course.
There seems to be some ongoing strategy, an attempt at silencing, at being dismissive, starting (or at least when I first noticed) with a white woman writing on her blog something to the effect that she doesn’t link to some women of color because they are “drama queens”. There is, of course, a backstory and a history there, between this white woman and some women of color and being called on privilege and racism, etc, but anyway… this, also combined with the ongoing fallout from the mess Mandy/Brittany dumped on woc, seems to be hardening into some sort of belief that angst, self-reflection, self-determination, taking care of one’s own self and those you care about somehow makes you a “drama queen” or that you are curling up into a “fetal position sucking my thumb in defeat” becoming an eternal victim.
This is simply not true. Couldn’t be farther from the truth.
We all have our ways of navigating whiteness, of being in this world and keeping our sanity, our dignity and working towards our hopes and dreams, but there is little more subversive than telling a world that discounts you that “I matter”. Look at me, see me – I exist – I hurt, I bleed, I cry, I rejoice, I reject you, I accept you and I matter. More than that, I matter on my own terms.
What ever in the world of social justice has gotten done without people who are willing and have the courage to hold their battered hearts out and say, see? look what you’ve done?
That is a gift not everyone is willing to give. It’s a gift not everyone is willing to receive. But it’s a vital component to getting stuff done and to effecting change. Always has been, always will be.
Sure it makes people uncomfortable – some would rather look away, would rather discount it as excessive drama (why can’t they control themselves and all be like us!) , or an unnecessary unveiling or whatever – but others take that person’s heart to heart – not because they are sorry for a victim, but because other worlds and vistas have been opened up to them, and they are willing and anxious to explore areas they never realized existed before. Indeed, there are those consider themselves blessed to have been allowed access.
I don’t see this as any less important and fruitful than kicking down doors, knocking on doors or ignoring doors completely – we need it all.
Nanette is | Topic: Drama Empresses rule, drama queens beloved, feminism, womanism | Tags: None
3 Comments, Comment or Ping
Joan Kelly
I feel a couple of things – one, I’m so glad you wrote this post. Two, I can’t articulate/put my finger on why exactly, but I feel uncomfortable linking your post here and BA’s post which I know is related, on my own blog. I feel uncomfortable because I feel like I am pretty grossed out by some white women I see chiming in to congratulate one woman of color for some kind of confrontation towards another/other unnamed women of color, and so I feel like, well, it might be gross if I did that on my end, just in the reverse.
I hope then that it’s okay for me to say I love and support you all at your spaces, and if I’m being weird about not getting into it at my place directly, or jumping in elsewhere, and said weirdness bugs you, I hope you feel free to tell me. I also hope you feel free to ignore me altogether about all of it, if you want.
Nanette
Hi Joan! I’m glad it made a little sense. I am not quite yet at the “angry enough to be bitingly clear” stage – also my head is swimming.
I know just what you mean about the weirdness and it doesn’t bug me at all. In fact, I went back and forth on linking to BA or bfp or Sylvia or any of the other “drama queens” I love, – even though I laughed out loud at “Drama Empress” – but in the end decided not to, cuz of my own feeling of weirdness.
I guess it’s that they, especially, seem to be always getting dragged out and tossed in the middle of someone else’s mess, or to make someone else’s point and it must get tiring. It is, of course, a measure of how much they are listened to, and how seriously (whether negatively or positively) people take their words, but still.
Joan Kelly
agreed, to all of above.
Also, I feel like my reflex of basically being the emotional equivalent of an angry pit bull when anyone does anything I don’t like, to someone I love…let’s just say I feel like it was endearing when my twin sister went and yelled at a bunch of boys who were ganging up on me every day in history class back in high school, but it’s not so cute on me as a 41 year old, to go apeshit at people just because I have that reflex sometimes.
I mean, sometimes it will feel right, honestly. But mostly, there’s something about it where I end up feeling like….huh….I’m not really being respectful of *anybody* right now. Cuz even when my twin did that in high school, and even though I was glad I had someone on my side, and even though it made those jackasses stop, permanently…I still was embarrassed by it a little. And we’re not dealing with sadistic 15 year old boys here, so that’s another piece of my original feeling-weird-saying-anything stuff.
*Me* feeling that way is really different than anyone who is being directly (however indirectly) addressed and affected by stuff, responding to it themselves.
Okay my run-on, confused sentence structures have even me begging for mercy now, so I will be on my way. Hope you have a good weekend. xo
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