Serenity… refocus – seek joy – thrive

The one I have isn’t mine, you know. Or, it is for all legal intents and purposes – it’s on my driver’s license and leases and all that type of stuff. Not to mention my website.

But it’s still not mine – the last part of it, anyway. It’s my ex-husband’s.

I didn’t change my last name after my divorce for a couple of reasons. One, I was living in a new city, the city where my ex grew up, and his family was rather well-known throughout the community. It made no difference in the long run, but at the time I thought it might be better to keep the name for that reason, if nothing else. Also, I didn’t like my unmarried name. Besides, that one wasn’t really mine either.

My mother married in her early 20s and got divorced not long after, as far as I can tell. She, too, kept her married name – and all of her children also had that name. But none of us are the children of the man she married. When I was young I asked her about that and she said that for purposes of school and everything she just thought it was better to have us all under one name. Which makes sense (kinda), especially for that time period.  So, anyway, that’s where that one came from.

Now,  I could use my father’s last name, but that one doesn’t feel like it’s mine either – partly because I’ve never used it, but also because it is an African name. And I think that, at this late date, I would feel false using it because I am not African. In culture, that is, although of course I am at least half African – and certainly more than that, because of my mother’s side. Anyway, that’s an option, but not one I am comfortable with yet. Not to mention that I have no idea how to even go about changing my name should I decide on one to change it to. And about that, maybe I should just make one up?

Of course, of all the things going on in the world – and in my life – this probably ranks among the least to worry about, but still… it bothers me. And I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because of everything else going on – a form of escapism, lol.

Probably be easier to just go get some travel brochures and daydream.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 10th, 2010 at 10:46 pm and is filed under journal, stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.