I’m not sure that worked out too well, because I have little to show for it but a pile of disconnected thoughts and no finished product. I’m thinking this breeze doesn’t always swoop down and bestow great illuminations that flow effortlessly from your fingers as we act as stenographers to the dawn.

But could that maybe be a good thing?

I like to just dash off stuff as it comes to me because little I write seems important enough to labor over, formulating my thoughts and figuring out where to place each word and all that. Also, I tend not to finish things that I start, if I don’t finish them right away. The bane of my writing life, that.

I think now, though, that that may have more to do with that same lack of belief in the importance (to anyone but me) of what I am saying than lack of discipline (though there is that) or anything else. So, I started asking myself questions. Like…

How we as writers decide that some topic that just drops into our minds is worth following up on, spending time on, perfecting? It’s just possible, is it not, that most everything could be made relevant or at least worth the time, if time is spent on it to make it so? Perhaps no earth shattering revelations (I’m fairly sure those  are few and far between) but maybe slipping a dollop of unique perspective into the deluge of information and other unique perspectives that rush by daily. Who knows who will find value in it, but if we don’t ourselves value it – enough to take the time, to scrutinize each word and attempt to pull out what meaning we can from the tendril of thought – how will we ever find out?

If I think of it that way, I might just be able to go back and finish – slowly and carefully, maybe. or maybe not – some of the things I have waiting in the queue. Sure, a lot of it may be pretty crappy at first, even the final product, even with attention paid. But without that, without at least the attempt, there is nothing at all, which does not seem to me to be better (though it may seem so to others, ha). Still, it’s worth doing, even if only for the experience of doing it, of learning how to jettison the junk and keep the rest. 

I guess when you think about it, one of the primary differences between mediocre writers and good or great ones, beyond talent and study and lots of practice and work, is that the good(+) writers are also much better de-crapifiers.

[photo by Ibarionex Perello, via here]

This did two things… allowed President Obama to build up a record beyond that of being a great orator and “the first Black president”. And gave me an excuse to almost completely disengage from the constant political horseraces and eternal campaigning that is US politics.

This was a good thing, I think. If the world had fallen apart in the interim I would have found out about it on the evening news, along with everyone else. Assuming they reported it, that is.

Still, I’ve been slowly getting into reading poliblogs again in preparation and paying a bit more attention to happenings. A pretty mixed bag, most of the opinions, which is only to be expected.

I have some thoughts, which I will get more into once I get my computer (hopefully in a week or so) and can type easily and do links and such.

It’s like that. I look at the various prompts – “You are here, this is happening, now what?” – to put it very simply, and my reaction is… to recoil in horror and break out my keyboard to write something – anything – else. So, the prompts work, no?

This aversion may not be a good thing, though, and doubtless I’ll have to tackle some of those one of these days.  Until then, I will toddle along writing about whatever catches my interest.

Like, strangely enough, fashion (mostly vintage) and race and identity and invisibility. A few thoughts of my own but mostly those of others because there is much I’ve never thought of before. I am far from a fashion maven (my mom always was one, though) and never thought I’d be intrigued enough about any part of it to click from blog to blog reading this and that. Shows you how much I know. I have to get my thoughts in order and scan in some vintage family photos, though, before I do the piece.

Also, a couple of months ago (or more, I have no conception of time), when I decided I was going to write a book, I created a blog to store all my research and to create scenes and all that, only I made it private because – well, I was very unsure of myself and my ability to write anything let alone an entire book. I still am, somewhat, but I’m going to open the blog up anyway because it occurred to me that I was doing all this research (although not as much lately, because of computer issues. My Blackberry may have been a lifesaver as far as classes and stuff go, but it’s not optimal for writing a lot of stuff or looking up things. I have my wonky computer working again for a time, though).

Anyway, I was doing all this research into my own history and into Black history in general, mostly in the pre-Civil War days,  but also just stashing anything that catches my eye. And it occurred to me that others might benefit from some of the items, and also people who already know far more than I do might add their thoughts or corrections or whatever.

That would be helpful both to the content of the site and the book itself as I’d like the setting and the characters and the times to be as authetic as possible and although I spent two weeks in Nashville TN, I wouldn’t say that makes me any sort of expert on the rural TN of the 19th century, and I’ve never been to Louisiana at all, so…

Anyway, that’ll happen in the next couple of days… I need to pick up all the clothes and dust a bit before I open the doors.

Anyway, I am not quite back yet but should be soon.

However! I could go on with just “off the top of my head” natter, and there is really nothing wrong with that, it’s all good – except that as long as the red outline on the calendar is there, I feel free to put off finishing my half-formed thoughts, half written articles, that I have in my draft folder. Hmmm.

So, for the next 15 days I want to make myself a new promise. I will finish at least two of those a week. Editing and rewriting as needed even after publication.  I have a “first draft” category and also an “edited to add” one so that, as long as the edits don’t affect the core of the piece, and are not related to other people or sites, so on, I won’t show what I’ve edited out or added in, just in the tags showing that it’s different from the original. Or something like that.

Another effect of this experiment is that it’s helped me figure out how to carve out time and mindspace to do what I need to do.  I have no *more* time than I had before, it’s just that I’ve finally accepted that I have to work within certain parameters, not of my choosing, and that if I don’t want my dreams to completely atrophy then I needed to do something. I’m not completely there yet, figuring out and energy wise – but on my way. With, also, more confidence.

I’ve also stopped berating myself for being easily distracted. I used to wonder why I could barely plot out one sentence during or after a really busy day when there were all these people who’d say they were typing entire articles while sitting in a noisy Starbucks, or on a train, or in the airport, and all that. If they can do it, in the midst of what was sometimes lots of noise and confusion, why can’t I? I’d wonder.

I finally realized that the difference between those people and me was that, for the most part, the surrounding noise was not for them.

It’s in the background and they can afford to tune it out – no one is asking them for something to drink or to arbitrate a disagreement between shrieking children, or to wipe their butts, or to make breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks or … well, lots of things. There is just no way I can compare my ability to tune out the noise and theirs. In that scenario, I am not the intrepid writer, sitting in the busy shop sipping coffee while pounding out a novel or crafting gems of political insight.  I am the barrista. All the noise and demands that surround me are for me, and thus cannot be ignored.

So anyway, I find that the more I free myself from the guilt of not writing or not having time for this or that, the more free I feel to write, to pursue things I need to do and, more importantly to figure out what suits me best, and what interests me most.

So, we’ll see what the next 15 days brings.