Serenity… refocus – seek joy – thrive

I start each week of the Five by Friday series by visiting a blog I already read and just randomly clicking an unfamiliar link on their blogroll. Unfamiliar because the point of this exercise, for me, is to move out and beyond routine and see a little of what else is out there. Then, I click a link on their blogroll, and then the next, so that by Friday there is a sort of six degrees thing going on from the starting blog/site.

So, this week I’m starting at theriomorph’s. She’s a teacher, published writer, playwright, poet, fierce advocate for the underservered, familiar to Gilly the dog and a good friend. I visit her site all the time but still approached her blogroll with a hint of trepidation. It appeared to be filled with links to classical texts and literary journals and such – and while I do like to putter through those from time to time, it’s not what I wanted for this series. Ah, but then I discovered the real blogroll – now that was more like it.

It’s a long one and I could have probably spent the day clicking through and discovering new places, but I had to choose just one – and I have to with whichever one I click through to. I loved the name “Breakfast with Pandora” – so that’s who I went with. What else was there to go on, after all?

I lucked out. Here is how the writer, whose name I have not yet found, describes his site:

Breakfast with Pandora caters to everyone interested in ancient Greek and comparative mythology, good stories, the craft of writing, food, theology, education, and other humane things.

Now, I happen to really like mythology. I used to read it all the time, when I was much younger (pre-teen on up) – mostly from Bullfinch’s Mythology, which was all the rage back then. I should probably dip into studying it again – I can imagine the wealth of nuances I would pick up reading various mythologies at 50 that would never even have occurred to me at 11 or 12.

Anyway, back to Breakfast with Pandora -

Coincidentally, the author (who I will just call BWP until I find a name, if there is one) also seems to be attempting to branch out and see what else is out there worth reading in the webisphere. I’ll let you read about that there and what he’s found (hint: he’s joined Open Salon).

On his own site, not only does BWP have breakfast with Pandora, but other meals and snacks – for instance: (these lead to category pages)

Biscuits with Pandora: Notes on Language and Linguistics

and -

Dim Sum with Pandora: Chinese and Greek Mythology

One of my favorite sections (shows you how much of a scholar I am is Etwart, the search for his roots. Etwart, you understand, is described as “the only pygmy Cypriot hippopotamus in the world-famous San Diego Zoo”, but his earthly (or, at least, BWP form) appears to be that of a stuffed animal. A really cute one, but still…

But every day he wakes up with a hole in his heart.  He wants to know the story of his family and the deeds of his forehippos– maybe even find some of his relatives. So with his friend junior zookeeper Katterly Meadows he sets out on a journey of discovery.

And so BWP tells the story of Etwart’s search for his roots. Really fun and interesting.

So, well worth the read, this Breakfast with Pandora – glad I found it. The talk about mythology is in very accessible and friendly language, not too involved. In fact, I found myself wishing for more detail, but that’s a good thing, I think. Whet the appetite and then, for those who want to pursue things further, there’s a wide world of information out there, just waiting.

I have already clicked the link, at BWP, for tomorrow’s blog. It’s something completely different. Will see you then.

Five by Friday – week 1 theriomorph —> Breakfast with Pandora —>

[note: This is also an open thread and a place to drop links to your own blogs or writings, or to other interesting places you visit. Also posted at Stalking Sunlight]

(This started as a comment on this post, What if the feminist blogosphere is a form of digital colonialism?, but it has grown too long, so will put it here. This is my personal site that I have just started putting together, so all is not in place yet, but it’ll do.)

I finally have some free, quiet time so, while I know it’s a bit late to the game, I’d like to address a few things here. I’ll try to be as brief as possible — however, be advised that I am brevity impaired. And somewhat scattered.

1. You (two) say… well no, the first thing is that I really, really dislike the “we” business. Kynn mentions it upthread and she is right – especially alongside the academic (as opposed to blogospheric) type presentation, it comes across as cold and rather Borg like – very off putting. If you are writing up a petition or a proclamation, great. If you wish for interpersonal communication, better to just write in the first person and sign it Mandy and Brittany. I’m afraid I’m going to meld you together in answers, though.

Okay, now. You say:

We cringe when we hear blogs referred to as a new form of democratic citizen participation. We wonder how the speaker of this statement defines “democracy” and “citizenship” on the World Wide Web.

I believe your perspective is far too narrow and parochial. I know one of you lives in India, but still – you seem to have a Westward gaze. I myself have referred to blogs – or the internet in general – as a new form of democratic participation. I don’t mean in politics only, but in opening up many avenues of participation locally, nationally and internationally for people all across the globe, assuming access (which IS a problem). Now, why do I say that… well, one, I’ve been working with people online, internationally, for over 10 years. Many are involved in their communities offline as well as on – some are bridges between the two.

Also…

stuff… stuff…”We think about how it has taken over 200 years to begin to scratch the surface of that undoing and wonder if it will take as long to undo the discourse being set today about the feminist blogosphere.

Narrow. Which “feminist blogosphere”, in your opinion, is setting what discourse and, more importantly, for whom? Because for all the ink that the large, primarily white feminist blogs may get, they represent just an itty, bitty, teensy bit of the feminist/womanist blogosphere. They may be the focus point for primarily white and even more primarily Western readers and participants, but they do not the “feminist blogosphere” make. For the most part, I’d bet they have little or no cachet among those who are working on the ground (and online) to save women from fistula or raise money to buy sewing machines, or to give microloans, or to start businesses, or to – in a way that works for them – change the culture of their communities and/or religions, and much, much more.

The Western “feminist blogosphere” – of any color or ethnicity, if Western raised and focused – does not represent these people; they represent themselves and are doing their own work and, when we are willing to put aside our egocentric Western gaze and follow their lead, they are quite willing to allow us to join them and support their endeavors. Don’t discount or disappear them.

So, that said, let’s start with what you are really talking about. The white Western (and considering the time point, I am assuming US, not Australian or anything) feminist blogs.

Or maybe… let’s not. That’s your focus, not mine – and while I know I am commenting on your post, and thus your focus, it’s my comment (or probably post, by the end of this) and I’ll take it in my direction – riffing off of some of your words.

You say:

Hierarchy is easy to spot when the perpetrators of systems of privilege are obvious ones. The virtual world, more often than not, simply replicates the “real” one, often with the same results of marginalization and exploitation. As is also the case in the real world, those who live on the margins grow quickly tired of cyberspace agendas that seem to dictate the future of the net, particularly when those agendas of privilege are cloaked[2] in the web’s potential for egalitarianism.

Again, far, far too narrow and parochial. And falsely empowering! those who live on the margins grow quickly tired of cyberspace agendas that seem to dictate the future of the net.

No, no, no – the cyberspace agendas of major white feminist blogs only dictate the future of their reach (marginal, in the overall picture of things) and value (up to the user). They in no way dictate the future of the net. Not even the future of the feminist net. What people on the margins do when confronted with privileged, exploitative agendas – of feminist “leaders” or no – is what they’ve always done – organize and form groups of their own.

And, contrary to your first paragraph, the internet has indeed made this easier for women (and men), of color, trans, disabled, older, allies – all of us, we contain multitudes – to do this across racial, national and international lines. In spaces we choose, with agendas that are important to us, with rules of engagement that reflect our focus and goals. Which are not always, at ALL, the same as the major blogs.

Okay, stuff, stuff, pay, books, speakers fees, etc, so on and on.

Buncha stuff, consolidation, authority granted to mega-blogs (by whom?), guest posts, stuff, stuff – will let those you are addressing talk that all out.

Ah! Now we get to where you leave off talking at white feminist mega-blogs and decide to pick up some unsuspecting WOC you have handy and throw them at them.

As we’ve watched blogs consolidate, we’ve seen tokenism play out as a few select women of color are asked to join white women in their quest for feminist blog domination; this takes place when women of color are invited to participate as a full-time or guest blogger about “race issues,“, or when the feminist blog elite constantly cross-post a woman of color blogger’s original material, sans a unique (or any) analysis of their own. Many radical bloggers, both women of color and white women, have not been naïve enough to buy into these symbolic co-optation efforts, but some have. Though we don’t know the full scope of motivations some women of color have in joining forces with larger blogs, we understand the temptation to reach a larger audience.

Oh, hai, we’ve got a few more in the box, let’s throw these at ‘em, too!

(Note: Tokenism also happens with other marginalized groups-e.g., queer, transgender, working class, fat[19], and Muslim feminists-though it is quite visible with women of color, who have also been outspoken in their critiques of the feminist blogging elite.)

Okay, I may still be too angry to write about this part – suffice it to say – FAIL. Others have already said it, and better, anyway. But… dang.

Spit.

My point is this. You have no idea what you are talking about. Really. The links you reference (particularly for the women of color) mostly end around mid 2008. There is a reason for that. Oh, you’ll find some here and there after that, maybe, referencing the white feminist blogosphere, usually when something that simply can’t (or shouldn’t) go unaddressed happens – or when someone, good intentions or no, decides to step on one or some of us.  There will be these links for the next person to reference next year, for instance.

Okay, I’m tired of this. As Kai points out here (and others, elsewhere) there are some legitimate issues that should be addressed and, hopefully, will be in continuous conversation.  However…

We aren’t destined to repeat these mistakes, but that course can only be avoided by a change of direction, by a new model of leadership and participation that has yet to be scripted.

No. Is being scripted – and even acted out – now.  You’re just looking in the wrong places.

February 2010

Been a few changes over the past few months – some good. Some truly awful.

But, I have started writing my book. At this point I am only about 10,000 words in but… I am writing it! I am saying six months for the first and second draft. More drafts, if needed, after readers (I am sure I will have some by then) make suggestions and point out where I went wrong.  I can’t wait to get done so I can start collecting my 200 rejection slips. And then, who knows? Maybe get published. Or publish myself -more and more, people are doing that, even some established writers. I plan for this to only be the first, but we’ll see.

November 2010

I wrote the explanation for “why” below almost two years ago – when I didn’t really know why I needed a space of my own, I just knew I did. I had no confidence in my ability to do much of anything at that point, regardless of what I had accomplished before. I am a creative, I wanted – needed – to create, but every idea that wanted to be born was stopped up, bottled up, dying because I didn’t believe I could bring them to the light in the way they deserved. Plus, my life was a mess, full of drama mostly outside of my control, and I thought I had to wait until things changed, calmed down, got back on an even keel, etc.

So I’ve wandered around this space, still not sure what to do. I paused sometimes to throw paint on the walls alá Jackson Pollock;  scribbled brilliant (of course!) passages on the floor, then played hopscotch in them; and locked all the doors and closed all the drapes so I could brood, friendless, in the dark.

Obviously teens don’t hold the patent on angst.

So, where am I now in all this, on this expedition?

Better. I’ve accepted that my messy, drama-filled life is the new normal, and it is what I have to work with. I’m deeply excited – from the gut – at unstopping my bottled up creativity and just letting it go – without pre-scheduled embarrassment at the result but willing to wade through the crappy stuff to get to the sparkly rocks I know are there.

Well, I know they, these ideas, these sparkly rocks, are there because they are stomping around (my gut!), anxious to get out. And me, I am anxious to make sure they maintain their brilliance in the full light of day. Just gotta keep polishing, yeah?

February 2009

A few things came together for me, in my mind, at roughly the same time.

I turned 50 last year.

I had a dreadful year last year.

I joined Twitter.

I realized that, of all the sites I’ve made or been a part of, not one has been just for me. A personal site, with my own thoughts, dreams, aspirations or kevetches.

This is not to say that I’ve not expressed some of those things other places – at Human Beams or someplace else, it’s just that I’ve never felt really comfortable doing so. It’s possibly all in my mind but I’ve just felt limited on what I consider professional sites. Still, it just never occurred to me to start a personal site of my own.

Well wait – I lie.  The original Stalking Sunlight – on blogspot, in 2003, where I wrote a total of 5 posts before moving it over to Human Beams, or thereabouts. I wonder why? In my first post I was saying the same things as now:

And this surely is a new thing for me… a completely self-absorbed journal of thoughts and views, which is also open to the world to see. This should be interesting… to me, at least. I don’t expect anyone else to really care. I guess that is the entire point of random anonymity… exploring who you are, what causes you to be… in full view of people who could care less. Sort of like standing in Times Square, NYC, and yelling that the world is ending while eddys of people pass around you, oblivious, pursuing their own lives and not giving a hoot about yours. I wonder if that is actually the true liberation of thought and spirit.

It’s possible that this experiment is already not turning out as planned if I am at the beginning comparing myself to street ranters, and they are coming out on the topside.

So, here I am again, then.  Things changed when I brought the blog under Human Beams – it was no longer about exploring my own writing or thoughts, so much as (somewhat) writing for a purpose for and about others.  Even my writing style changed (might be a good thing) – less reflective, less visual, more … something. Bloggish, maybe. Certainly more constrained, as there I am representing something. Here, I represent nothing but myself, and can write bad fiction, if I want; long, rambling essays; explore thoughts about activism, writing, gossip about other people – or just whine a lot about life in general.

Anyway, trying again – whatever this turns out to be.

A tough lesson for me to learn. I’m a “big picture” type person – can see the overall ground and the end destination, but somehow overlook many of the roads to reaching it.  I’m trying to change that, though.

Yesterday I redid Stalking Sunlight design – forgetting that arin had set it up so that I could just change out the top and fiddle with the other parts, I first tried to do it all over again. Sigh, spent hours on that, too.  Anyway, not only was it necessary to make things look different so that I wouldn’t shy away from looking at it – and thus, shy away from writing and such – but it was necessary in order to start planning out the site expansion

Well, expansion and contraction – will be streamlining and condensing some things and getting rid of others altogether.  I don’t get Web 2.0 much, although I am learning about it more and more, but while I want increased functionality and so on, I don’t want it so tech heavy that people with slow dial up modems find it difficult to access. I see no reason to chase every new tech online, as new things are popping up all the time.

The kids are laying down for their nap and I am working now to get them used to the clack of the computer keys while they sleep, so that I can do more with the little time I have.  Thus, no matter what I am chattering about here, even if it seems as if it has no purpose, it does.  And, because this is my site and not representative of anything else… I can do it.

I’m off for the next two days – well, off from watching children but not from cleaning house or things like that – that would be way too much to hope for. Still, it’s a good thing.

I find it’s important for me to have at least two days in a row after spending the previous 5 days doing this or that. I don’t know if it’s age or just a function of being an introvert but, while I may start off all gung-ho on the first day, I soon fade. My body hurts, my brain hurts, my ears hurt and I find that all I want to do is just sit quietly somewhere and just *be*.

If I have that then the next day (or maybe even that evening) everything else falls into place. I have the energy to do chores, write sometimes and all sorts of things.

But don’t expect much to happen on the first day.

I am craving color, for some reason.  Here, in my little corner as well as on my Twitter page, which I have just redone in an explosion of color.  And little animals.

It doesn’t exactly scream “sober and professional”, which might be a worry, but I’m not yet doing any promoting of HB or anything. And, well – it pleases me to look at it, and I think that’s okay for right now.

I have planned a post about Twitter, blogs and other things. Of course, I plan many things but don’t always get around to writing them.

With me all day I have the very young and the very old – I feel like I am surrounded on all sides by poop and pee and soft foods and mellow drink.  And lots of noise.

With me all day I have the very young and the very old – I am surrounded by my family.  Four generations in the same room at a time.  And lots of life.

After all, what is life but poop and pee and food and drink.

That is all.